Why Complaining Is Sabotaging Your Personal Growth
Have you ever been sitting in a church service- or maybe an inspiration conference, a work meeting, etc.- and thought, “Wow, I feel called out right now?” But in the best way (after maybe a little denial, of course).
That was me today while sitting in church, and I had to share because, as simple as this may seem, it’s something I have not been following.
Today’s message? Choosing joy over complaining.
What the Bible Says About Complaining
It’s easy to get caught up in everything that’s going wrong. Life is full of challenges, frustrations, and disappointments, and sometimes, venting feels like the only way to cope. But what if our complaints are actually keeping us stuck instead of helping us move forward?
Rather than dwelling on negativity, God invites us to trust that He is greater than any of our struggles. He wants us to shift our focus- not to ignore our problems, but to root our hearts, minds, and conversations in joy and faith.
In the book of Philippians, as preached during today’s sermon, Paul writes:
“Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault…” -Philippians 2:14-15 (NKJV).
And wow…. I felt (feel) that.
I tend to justify complaining. I’ve told myself (and the people around me) that venting helps me process things. “I’m not being negative, just being real.” And then I’ve wondered why I’m in such an irritated mood.
The truth is that complaining doesn’t make me feel better. It makes me feel stuck.
How Complaining Rewires the Brain
Studies show that the more we complain, the more our brains reinforce negative thought patterns. Neuroscientists explain that complaining strengthens neural pathways that make negativity our default. It’s like digging a deeper trench in our minds—one that gets harder to climb out of the more we reinforce it.
So, outside of my faith, even from a psychological standpoint, this is a habit worth breaking.
That doesn’t mean we can’t acknowledge real problems or process hard emotions. But there’s a difference between working through something and dwelling on it. Instead of venting, what if I shifted my focus to problem-solving? To gratitude? To surrendering my frustrations instead of feeding them?
The Power of Discernment: Choosing Where to Focus
One word that especially stood out to me during today’s service was “discernment,” a practice in choosing where to place our energy and thoughts. Discernment isn’t about ignoring problems or pretending everything is fine; it’s about wisely deciding what deserves our attention and what is simply feeding negativity.
I realized that when I complain, I’m often focusing on things outside of my control. I’m giving power to frustration rather than seeking solutions. Discernment means recognizing when I need to address a problem head-on and when I need to release it.
In Philippians, Paul isn’t saying to suppress feelings or ignore hardships; he’s reminding us that our mindset shapes our experience. Choosing gratitude doesn’t mean denying pain. It means refusing to let it rule us.
So, instead of lingering in frustration, I’m asking myself:
Is this something I can change? If so, how can I take action?
Is this something I need to let go of? If so, how can I surrender it?
What am I choosing to magnify? My complaints or my faith?
Discernment is a skill, and like any skill, it takes practice. I don’t want to be stuck in the habit of complaining- I want to be transformed by the renewing of my mind (Romans 12:2).
And that starts with what I choose to dwell on.
When Paul wrote this, keep in mind he wasn’t sitting comfortably. He was in prison. And yet, he still chose gratitude over grumbling.
If he can do it, what’s stopping us?
A Note on Mental Health:
Please note that I’m not a mental health professional. I’m simply sharing what I’ve learned through my faith and personal experiences. While shifting our mindset can be powerful, some struggles require professional help, and that’s okay. If you’re struggling with anxiety, depression, or other mental health challenges, please know that seeking support from a licensed therapist or counselor is never a sign of weakness. God gave us the wisdom of professionals for a reason, and healing often comes through both faith and the right support.
